C'est La Vie;That's life

If you are an Indian living abroad, you must have heard this imaginary time zone, that we're all supposedly living in. If you are a newbie, read on. IST i.e Indian Standard Time is to arrive atleast 2 hours behind any given, scheduled time. You'll be unceremoniously banished from the 'desi' club and lose your badge of honor, even if you go a minute earlier. I have no idea who's the brain behind this acronym. But, my wild guess is that, it belongs to a body full of lazy bones - all 206 of them. Indian parties, especially, follow this IST rule to the core. Everyone will be late. You have to. Unless you wish to see your host in his pajamas or the hostess sans makeup. Looking at you with embarassment. You look quite puzzled and politely point out that the party time has been printed as 1.00pm. Lo presto, your watch shows exactly 1.00pm. And, they would go, "So what? You dumbo. Nitwit. That doesn't mean you should come exactly at that time. You did the same for ...

I'm talking about the "Hinglish" (Hindi + English) medley of songs in Bollywood movies these days. Regional movies are holding their language forts. It's only the Bolly songs that drives me bally. Really. Most of the songs have such a mix of English and Hindi. It's all so confusing that my brain gets pretty much fried by the time a song is over. Constantly switching from English to Hindi and back to English again, drives me up the wall. Even a novice in hindi like me can tell you that it's a beautiful and rich language with tons of vocabulary to choose from. So, why unceremoniously borrow? You know what my wildest dream would be - Collect all these film lyricists and lock them up in room. No food or water until they get all their songs out in chaste Hindi. Or worse, order the Chinese "word" torture....make them listen to all their lyrics over and over again until they promise to pen better. The Angrez have left a long time back. Please get over it, f...

Anything on mystery and adventure. Or Suspense and thrillers. These books were a big part of our daily staple when we were growing up. And, boy, did we have insatiable appetites for them all. It all started with the prolific writings of Enid Blyton. The outrageous adventures her characters go through, all set in a faraway place, catapulted our minds beyond imagination. Then, came the Hardy boys, Edgar Rice books. Even comic heroes like Tintin, Asterix etc. were suffice for our hungry minds. Anything that had even a faint whiff of an adventure, we would grab our imaginary backpacks and be ready to travel along with zest. From adventures, we later moved on to the mystery series of Poirot or the legendary Holmes, which used to race our pulses and send us down to a dark and underground world, so removed from reality. We used to get all these treasures from the dingy and dusty libraries nearby. The books were so old that the print would be barely visible through the yellow and parched paper...

All of us do it time to time. Yeah, those harmless white lies that spurt out of our mouths without even a second thought. Almost as a primal instinct. You know, the teensy-weensy lies that start from our childhood. A sudden, shooting stomach pain that surfaces, just on the day of a math test. The fake fishy one, that parents smell a mile away. How, you ask? Well, one, they're clever. Two, because we're still amateurs at this game and have a long way to go. Our brilliant brain has skipped some minor details that goes into the lying process. Like the fact that we came up with the exact stomach pain only last week, right before that science exam. We could have at least moved the anatomy a bit this time - maybe to the hands. But, then, if we had been that smart, we would've studied for the math exam, eh? Anyways, since parents love moments like these for its pure entertainment value, smirkingly go, "Oh, that's too bad, honey. I guess we'll take you to that kind, ge...

We as a family, are always late. For everything. And, it's not that bad at all. Read on. Think of any mode of transportation that involves a schedule -buses, trains, flights and we'll be always behind. With 2 kids and 6 pieces of luggage, it actually makes it kind of exciting. Really. Ah, the thrill of making that rush into the airport. The glee of checking in as the last person on the line. Hoping nervously that your online booking would have gone through, and not erased mysteriously by the mean airline computer. It's like playing out an intense, nail-biting drama - minus the screeching violins in the background. If alive, Hitchcock would have enough ammunition to make a movie, titled - "Suspense at the Airport". What can i say? The master has missed his magnum opus. So, folks, i highly recommend this new adventure for all of you. Try for yourself. Be late for the airport next time. Especially, if you are dwelling in one of America's most boring suburbs like ...

So, do you live to eat or eat to live ? Food gourmet or Food gobbler ? Food gourmets are easy to find. They are camped in or near the kitchen area most of the day, with only an occasional break to watch the Food channel. They are always busy experimenting on an exotic cuisine, seriously peering into recipe books and fussing over their pots, as much as a chemist over a petri dish. All their efforts are worth every sip though, for every entree that these geniuses create, tastes like a manna from the heaven. So, you better dorn your apron and put on your best show, if you invite them to a party. Else, brace for some harsh critique, because they can smell your food a mile away and wouldn't hesitate to call you up for some 'friendly advice' on how your soup has one rotten tomato in it. It's not so much about you that they care, but an errant soup can stir their soul deeply. Food gobblers on the other hand are easy to find too. Any room, other than the kitchen would be a ...

It all started with the day i joined the exclusive and universal, Mothers' club. The day my first born arrived. With fireworks and sparkles. The initial moments when my baby arrived have been etched forever in my memory. The strange, but ecstatic feelings when i saw this small, delicate as a porcelain, baby in my arms. I thought to myself - is this what the hullalaboo of 'miracle of life' all about? The pains of labor seemed to have all melted away and frozen into this tiny person. Can a baby who is looking so vulnerable, make such an impact of steel? Well, it did, for me. Mesmerizing is what i would sum it all up. From that day, all my ideals of working till the day i drop dead, seemed to take a back seat. From a career woman, my priorities started to take a paradigm shift. I couldn't think of anything else except to be with this bundle of joy presented to me. I was even surprised at myself for such a conviction. My entire life started to get streamlined at that junctu...

Mine and hopefully, if you've a pear-shaped body like me, yours too. I'm talking about weight management. Actually, in my case, i'm doing nothing. My weight is the one who's managing me right now - ordering me to eat non stop, instructing me not to get up from the couch and steering me a mile radius from any gym. In short, not helping one inch. I want to fire it for such a high-handed behavior. Once i figure out how. My saga of yo-yo dieting started almost since the dawn of this century. Why so long? Because i haven't yet grasped an iota of how it works. And, that's not my problem at all. It's just that these diet gurus can't seem to make up their mind and keep changing the rules. At their own whim. Just when people settle down on the Atkins diet and the body starts to shed a few ounces, springs up another South Beach diet which asks you to do something else. Stop it, you guys. Remember that you are provoking people who are half-starved. Any minute n...

Not the metaphorical one about 'life is a rollercoaster' kind. I am talking about the actual one. The mammoth coasters that zigs and zags in mid air, taking your intestines for a jolly ride. You can never get me on one, even if i have to lead the rest of my life as a sop. No siree, i'll save my share of torture for something else. We sure go to theme parks faithfully, time to time. My kids love them. Why? Because they are children. And, they're genetically programmed to like everything opposite to what their parents want to do. Always. You like beaches, they hate water. You like walking, they like slouching on the couch. You like camping, they'll cringe even if you go anywhere near a tent. And, once in a blue moon, if you both agree to do biking, you bet it'll be raining outside. That's Karma for you, folks. Back to rides, i always choose the one that is not more than few inches off the ground, not spin around too much, and of course, it has be slow. After a...

That's how it feels after i hang up my mother's phone call. Almost every time. She always has an endless list of adages, stories with moral endings and time-tested maxims in her arsenal and never fails to bring them up with the same passion, in all our conversations. She'll even tell me things that i won't have use now, but will need them after 15 years. And, if you're in blues, you have to be ready for those extra doses. I sometimes groan and complain. And, love to tease her about it, but in my heart, am soaking them up all. Like a sponge. It's good to have someone tell you all about the basics of life - even if it's again and again. And again. Though, when i am listening, the words seems to pass like an arrow from one ear to another and nothing seems to have actually sunk into my gray matter. But, they all come back. When they're needed the most. See, life gets very edgy somedays. Especially when complex questions like 'why does my garden get...

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. " Joan Collins made this quote and it's my all-time favorite. Figuratively, what it means is when you have problems in life, make the best out of it. Though what problems Ms. Collins (who is a rich, British actress) could have beats me. Maybe on the day she came up with this quote, her make-up man didn't come on time or one of her films bombed. Whetever. Point is, if she could have worries the size of lemons, you and me should have some, at least the size of grapefruits. So, let's talk about issues. What? You say you don't have any worries. If your personal life is impeccable, at least go and grab some public issues - global warming, coming elections etc. please. Back to earthlings like us who seem to have a lifetime supply of lemons - what's your personal style when problems come your way ? If you are in a tight corner, which requires a lot of work from those grey cells, what would be your immediate gut reacti...

>>>I say this is one "child left waaay behind". All those who agree with me, raise your hand. Ok, there's hope for you. All those who don't think so, please go back to school. You need help. Right now. "[I want to] make sure everybody who has a job wants a job." -- George Bush, during his first campaign for the presidency. "I would like to thank Nasal Beard for that warm welcome." -- George Bush, thanking Hazel Beard, mayor of Shreveport, Louisiana, in 1992. "Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?" -- George W. Bush "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." -- George W. Bush "The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." -- George W. Bush "We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor as you like to be liked yourself." -- George W. Bush "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't d...

I mean corporal punishments. Thankfully, not now, but did exist when we unlucky souls were in schools. Some of our teachers were angels from heaven, but, i am going to handpick only the nastiest of the lot here. Kneeling down outside the class, running around the school ground (think hot, very hot), writing something absurd like "I'll never do this again" 100 times - you'll thank your lucky stars to get these routine ones. Our teachers were way too clever. They always came up with new and novel ways of punishing us. Like hitting your knuckles with a ruler? Caning? Could have put Adolf Hitler to shame. Or, maybe they all took personal training from Attila the Hun. Well, i wish they had put these hard work in their teaching strategies. We would have won gold medals and made India proud someday. One of my math teachers was even creative when it came to punishments. Boo to the same ones, she cackled. I should go down in the annals of history for innovative torture, she sw...

No, no. Not a real one. Whew! What a relief.... It all started innocently. My daughter wanted a small baby doll. I lodged a loud protest, about how the house is exploding with dolls already, followed with my best and heavy sarcasm and betting about how long it would take before the new doll would be buried along with 10,000 of it's cousins. Any child would wilt under these verbal assaults, but on my iron-willed one - it made no impact, whatsoever. Could have at least spared my larynx. As usual, she won the case hand-down, after pointing out how the baby doll is essential to make her life complete and cleverly putting it down under Santa's wishlist. And, thus one more member got added to our family. Literally. Overnight, we have all become part of the doll's family. I have been promoted to a grandma (deep groan), my husband the grandpa (deeper groan) and my older one the aunt (for a change -sigh). Ok. Even then, we took it in spirit. Doesn't matter, we told ourselves...

An emergency and i had to do it. That is, leave my kids behind and take a long 20 hour flight to India. I was a nervous wreck by the time i even went to the airport. It was years since i boarded a flight without the company of a tot. Can i do this, really? Finally waved my byes, and got my luggage checked in. After the initial panic attacks, i sort of settled down. Did some reading and just took some time for myself, engrossed in my thoughts. This was strange, even surreal. Now, what? Nothing else to do. No bathroom visits, feeding sessions, heck, not even one complaint of boredom to hear. When i boarded the plane, i looked at everyone around as if i was seeing the world like a newborn baby. Is this how co-passengers look like? In all our previous trips, everybody around me always seemed like blurry images scurrying here and there. Who has time to observe people when you have a toddler or a preschooler tugging your arms? After a few hours of my newfound freedom though, was i havi...

I am going to make some sweeping generalizations here, so bear with me. Or don't. I'm planning to air them anyway. Some things on aging that puzzles my mind.... Let's start with children. They always want to get older and can't wait to do all the things adults do. In playing games, they like to be grown-ups. Why? Because they don't know how boring our lives are. Seriously, that's why. And, even pre-teens wait till the day they can drive the car, hang out with friends, wear makeup, go to movies, have their own life etc. Comes adulthood. 20's to 30's. Peak of our youth. We're too busy with setting up our lives. We have a hard time thinking about our new freedom to create debts (i.e buy a new house, car etc), explore the world, go up the corporate ladder, keep up with the joneses etc. Do we care about getting old at this point? Probably not. Then comes the mid 30's until 40's. Even then, we don't like to admit it, but our bodies are re...

I have a pet peeve. Yes, unbelievable, but true. It's about the names that the Indian movie industry have come up with for themselves in the recent years. I hope some of you feel the same way, because i'm liberally including you all in the "we" here.... It all started with Bollywood. Like the storyline of our Hindi movies, shamelessly copied after their global counterpart - Hollywood. We gritted our teeth, but thought - why not? It is not too bad. Bombay-Bollywood. And, the analogy is right there too. Both are the biggest churners of reel, in the world of cinema. Now, our regional moviemakers had started fuming already. Does this mean they are nomenclature-challenged? Totally made-up word. DO NOT GOOGLE. Anyways, let's look at their names. The term Kollywood was equated with Tamil movies. Supposedly, for the area in which majority of the studios are located in the Chennai metro. We're getting a little antsy now. Do we have to go this far? Next, came the Telugu...

Our house in India. The same one that has solidly stood the test of time for almost 36 years. A house which has seen us children play inside it, plant a garden around it, study, eat and sleep in it, grow up and get out of it, come back again and again to be a part of it. So many changes happening, yet, in some ways, remaining the same. Reeking of nostalgia. Helping us to refresh our childhood memories. A house which my mother would proudly flaunt as a place where only good things have taken place. Yes, it's true. It has always been a loving care giver of the sick but never once borne a burden of the dead. But, every rule has to have an exception. My father's strange obsession to the house in which he wanted to spend his last dying moments was very puzzling. Here he was, getting ready to part with family and friends and yet, he couldn't bring himself up leaving these stone walls behind. I asked him why. A part of me even felt envy. He reasoned that it was a testimony to his ...

I am a citizen - not one, but to two countries. And, proudly proclaim that it's a privelege. My motherland, India. Growing up, one never felt that being patriotic is an emotion that was supposed to be exhibited in any way. Yes, there were Independence day celebrations, but never a thoughtful pause about the significance of the event. History books didn't do justice either. The only time that we showed an exuberance, was rooting wildly for our nation during cricket matches. That was then. Now, all that has changed. After many years outside the country, my passion for the homeland has increased multi-fold. The joy that planning for a trip back home brings, the building of a bridge to catch up with relatives and friends. All in a weather that's as warm as it's people. And, ah, the excitement when the flight lands on the Indian soil - still the same, year after year. Now, to the adopted home. First, to historic Boston. The initial years, it was just curiosity to explore a n...

A daring thought came to us. We patted ourselves for even trying to attempt it. We declared that our Hawaii trip would be a - hold your breath -gasp- a gadget-free trip. Ladies and gentlemen, you can let go of that oxygen mask now. No laptops, dvds, electronic toys, gameboys etc. Nothing except a cell phone for emergency. I think a cell doesn't even count as a gadget. It should be re-classified as an extended body part. Of the ear, logistically. The first day was the worst. All of us looked around. What are we supposed to do? Talk. You mean with each other? Huh...please, that's too much to ask. Then, what else? It was too late to go to the beach. Let's see. Maybe, play games. No electronic ones? We laughed nervously. Suddenly we had a 'brainwave'. Well, what did you expect?- remember, we were in Hawaii. Hint, hint. Ok, it was a bad joke. Back to the idea - we thought - how about some old-fashioned word, vocabulary ones, board games? Alien concept, but it worked out ...

Everybody has friends. Some you have grown up with and some you have met later in life. I am sure all of you have at least one. You do, right? Don't count those Cyber ones. You ask why not? Because i don't have one and i want to spew venom on some of you that do. Simple. Back to the 'real' friends - one you can share ideas, interests, debates, gossips, things that you never share with anyone before. Or, sometimes, just plain vent. Friends that know you from childhood are even more special because they are the ones who know you the best - good, bad and the ugly. They understand every single thought that comes to your mind even if you don't spell it out. And, never pass judgements. No pretentious attitude in their company. They can cut you down to size if you act smart with them. You know how the conversation goes when you start bragging,"I bought a new car, the best one in the market, ya da, ya da.....", and they go," This is the nth time you're ta...

....narrows down your wallet. A lot. Vacations have become very expensive these days. Don't agree? If you need more proof, come near my house and feel free to listen on the huge 'gasps' and 'oh nos!' when our travel bills come in. It's great when you start picking out exotic destinations. You get excited and start planning every detail. Go online. You shout - brace yourselves Expedia, Orbitz, Trip advisor - here we come. Carefully pick your dates. Crowded holiday weekends. Nah. The air fares go upto Mars. So, you cleverly avoid the peak times, yet, pick out a time when there are no hurricanes, cyclones etc that visit the tropics. Speaking of disasters, one thing that scares the bejeepers out of me is the dreaded "T" word. I can't even print it. Hint. Ocean - waves - recede - wash away. Moving on to hotels. So many options - enough to give you a headache. Does it have a suite, a swimming pool, is it child-friendly, is continental breakfast included,...