C'est La Vie;That's life

When you need it the most. Obviously, for raising kids. In the by-gone, black & white, pre-digital era when joint families still existed, there was definitely, literally and truly- a village. In fact, am going to call it "The Village". Where there were people of different age groups, genders, personalities (some of them quite colorful) that roamed about freely. Some were close families, some extended, and the ones "no-one-knows-who", but somehow get mysteriously added to the tree. Nah, just kidding, am sure the seniors would eventually get there by racking their brains to come up with a twisted, long-winded term to justify their relationships to the pack. Neighbours were close enough to be called part of the families too. My point being - all these people directly or indirectly had a big impact on the children of the household. Was it all positive, inspirational, fairy-land style of an influence? Heck, no. No such dream place ever existed. People ar...

Picasso’s greatest works came early; Cézanne’s came late. Are you one of those classic"slow poke" types that took a really, really long time to grow up? Some one who everyone kind of gave up but made heads turn and people going "gaga" over you later on? Then, this is for you. Feel free to pass on this public service message around. My honest belief is that all children are amazing works-in-progress who are on their way to a beautiful end-products, IF shaped well. And, who's to decide what is the appropriate age that's supposed to happen? I've always taken a strong dislike to those who think they can look at a child, and decide on how they're going to be a failure as an adult. And, what irks me further is how they voice their misguided prophecies to the children themselves, which can manage to destroy whatever self-esteem they have. And, if the above doomsdayers happen to be your neighbor or a pathetic passer-by, you can brush them off and c...

Quite a bunch, aren't we? Not only burdened with the responsibilities of raising new-age kids who are high tech, but come with nope, not even a "Parenting for dummies" manual, managing a challenging and dynamic job-front, dealing with the social aspects of the family like being the perfect daughter, a good sister, the kind neighbor, a caring wife, dutiful daughter-in-law et al. Add the mundane chores of cooking, cleaning, gardening, chauffering to this list and - I know, my head is spinning too. Easy now, let's sit down for a minute. Most of the current gen mothers that I know take their diverse roles to their heart, and try to make the best out of it. It's business as usual for them. No big deal, they would brush off. But, I always wonder if we're all unconsciously trying to be "Supermums", especially the huge task of balancing work and home. We definitely want to be out having a career or a job which is what keeps us sane and yet, no way ...

Do you obsessively wash your childrens' hands till the poor skin loses one-inch of epidermis? Are you absolutely convinced that the sole mission in a bacteria's life, is to hunt and infect you and your family? Do cleaning and sanitation products take complete priority in your shopping list? Paranoid about dirt-attacks? Have to have those squeaky-clean floors? Ok, i'll stop now because by now, we all know whoever you are. Here goes a new theory that i came across and thought i'll share. Just for you. Dr. Erika Von Mutius, a health researcher has come up with a new theory to explain why the number of asthma and allergies in children are increasing in the much cleaner West. She dubbed it as "The Hygiene Hypothesis," which states that children who are around numerous other children or animals early in life are exposed to more microbes, and their immune systems develop more tolerance for the irritants that cause asthma. Also, the human immune system has evolved ...

I always end up volunteering for my child's class field trips, partly out of sheer guilt that I don't participate in other school activities and partly because, my daughter loves when I go with her. Not every day, you get to be a mini-celebrity in the eyes of your child and I wouldn't want to miss that chance for the world. Now, to the trip. We boarded a public train to San Francisco, noisy 2nd graders, teachers, parents like me, et al. My group had about 5 kids. I don't know why this happens only to me, but I always get the brattiest kids in the class. What gives? No clue, but as a result I always end up with a permanently jarred larynx. Like a broken record, I go,"Follow the line". "Hold hands". "No, no lunch yet". Only about 60,000 times. Sigh. But, the bratty kids turned out to be the lively ones too. When we went to the art museum, it was quite a comic scene. The museum had a docent to narrate mythological stories to the children. S...

Order. Order. Order. Pounding on the kitchen table, hearing out both the plaintiff and the defendant (a.k.a your children), meting out fair justice.....sound familiar, moms? Yes, i'm talking about Mothers' self-appointed role as the Supreme judge in a domestic jurisdiction. It's an everyday affair for most of mothers. And, their clientele ranges from 2 to 20 year olds. Complaints ranging from hitting, pinching, clothes-swapping, name-calling, teasing, vase-breaking etc followed by complete claim of innocence from both the parties who loudly start protesting, "I swear I didn't do it, Mom". Now, you get ready to dorn your imaginary black robe and prepare yourself (for the zillionth time in this week alone) to take on the Lady Justice role. Crucial moments like these could make you either a hero or a villian in your childrens' eyes. The implications could haunt you throughout your life. There's enough dramatic moments that could outbeat a judge finaly...

That's how it feels after i hang up my mother's phone call. Almost every time. She always has an endless list of adages, stories with moral endings and time-tested maxims in her arsenal and never fails to bring them up with the same passion, in all our conversations. She'll even tell me things that i won't have use now, but will need them after 15 years. And, if you're in blues, you have to be ready for those extra doses. I sometimes groan and complain. And, love to tease her about it, but in my heart, am soaking them up all. Like a sponge. It's good to have someone tell you all about the basics of life - even if it's again and again. And again. Though, when i am listening, the words seems to pass like an arrow from one ear to another and nothing seems to have actually sunk into my gray matter. But, they all come back. When they're needed the most. See, life gets very edgy somedays. Especially when complex questions like 'why does my garden get...

No, no. Not a real one. Whew! What a relief.... It all started innocently. My daughter wanted a small baby doll. I lodged a loud protest, about how the house is exploding with dolls already, followed with my best and heavy sarcasm and betting about how long it would take before the new doll would be buried along with 10,000 of it's cousins. Any child would wilt under these verbal assaults, but on my iron-willed one - it made no impact, whatsoever. Could have at least spared my larynx. As usual, she won the case hand-down, after pointing out how the baby doll is essential to make her life complete and cleverly putting it down under Santa's wishlist. And, thus one more member got added to our family. Literally. Overnight, we have all become part of the doll's family. I have been promoted to a grandma (deep groan), my husband the grandpa (deeper groan) and my older one the aunt (for a change -sigh). Ok. Even then, we took it in spirit. Doesn't matter, we told ourselves...

An emergency and i had to do it. That is, leave my kids behind and take a long 20 hour flight to India. I was a nervous wreck by the time i even went to the airport. It was years since i boarded a flight without the company of a tot. Can i do this, really? Finally waved my byes, and got my luggage checked in. After the initial panic attacks, i sort of settled down. Did some reading and just took some time for myself, engrossed in my thoughts. This was strange, even surreal. Now, what? Nothing else to do. No bathroom visits, feeding sessions, heck, not even one complaint of boredom to hear. When i boarded the plane, i looked at everyone around as if i was seeing the world like a newborn baby. Is this how co-passengers look like? In all our previous trips, everybody around me always seemed like blurry images scurrying here and there. Who has time to observe people when you have a toddler or a preschooler tugging your arms? After a few hours of my newfound freedom though, was i havi...

Two children. Two different styles. My older one always does things fast and my younger one always slow. What should i do? Take my older one, for e.g. You give her 10 things to do and tell her, "Slow down....take a deep breath. Don't hurry. Take your time." But, does she listen? No. She'll finish them all in 10 minutes and ask me, "Then, what should i do?". Now it's time for me to slow down and take a deep breath. Hand me some aspirin, will ya? My younger one is exactly the opposite. If you give her 3 things to do and come back an hour later, she'll look at you and go, "What? You mean i am supposed to them now ? You didn't tell me." And a couple of hours later, we'll be still on our first task. Snails and turtles can beat us anyday. While you're there, hand me the whole aspirin box, will ya? Thanks. So, what do i do? Split like an atom, is what i've been reduced to. One part of me chanting a mantra - slow, relax, calm ...

I found the note in my child's backpack. A shiver ran through my spine. Our elementary school prinicipal had lost her 20 yr old son in the Iraq war recently. We read about the war almost every day in the news, but when it gets closer to someone we know, why does it just hit you like a ton of bricks? I went through a gamut of emotions - ranging from sadness for the family, empathy for a mother losing a child, to liberally bashing the Bush administration. Then, it came to how to approach the prinicipal and convey my feelings to her. This was an unusual situation for me. I gave this a lot of thought and ran through a whole lot of imaginary conversations that could convey my feelings appropriately. Nothing was convincing though. The next day, i was at school and honestly, i didn't want to bump into her because i hadn't planned anything. Suddenly, there was a tap on my shoulder and a familiar voice wished me with a smile. There she was, the very person that i was careful...

Maybe the Bard of Avon could answer this one. Meanwhile, it's a burning question in our house. Comes up when a birthday is around the corner. I can always see it coming - usually, it starts with a whine and a puppy-dog look, "Mommy, can i pleasssse have a pet? So, we begin with a list: Dogs - too much work and responsibility. Cats - let me just come out with it. I am not a cat person. There's no warmth in them. I thought pets are supposed to give you that feeling, right? Rabbits, Hamsters, Birds - Caging animals is not OK with me. Period. Fish, turtle - see above. Now, what?? We sit twiddling our thumbs. My 7 yr old who started this whole thing looks at me with a 'i-know-where-this-conversation-is-going' kind of a look. Throws in the towel and goes for the "big wail" strategy which she has completely mastered and lets out, "Mommy, can i pleasssse have a pet?. And the debate continues.